Fan Fiction

The Saviors of Two Worlds

By dragondemonangel
More Info / Reviews

Chapter 1: Welcome to Hyrule,Sakura

The guards head turned towards the girl. She was certainly a strange one. Her hair was blacker than midnight and cut about an inch above her shoulders. She wore a black,long-sleeve tunic and long pants of the same color. There seemed to be a thin silver chain around her neck,but if something was at the end of it, it was hidden under her shirt. She had a plain traveling pack that seemed rather thin,although there was still something inside. She had a long glaive at her back. It was a silver-gray color with a sleek,polished blade at the end. She was strangely barefoot. Most people had boots,for the terrain,while beautiful,was rather dangerous. Her eyes were what intrigued him most. They were like none he had ever seen. They were mostly a clear hazel,but there were swirls of a dark blue-green and flecks of amber gold around the pupils.

The teenage girl looked around. The intense heat from the sun that day beat down on her lightly tanned skin. Her elegantly pointed ears picked up every sound,whether it was a mouse skittering across the floor or shopowners selling their wares. Her strange,almond-shaped eyes searched the market,looking for a place where she could rest. After nearly two months of travel without stop,she desperatly needed a rest. She saw a large temple of sorts of in the North-eastern part of the Town Square. She headed towards it,wondering how her sister was doing.

Once she got there,she took a seat against one of the walls,glad for the cool shade. She opened up her pack,letting out the small dragon. It was a sleek black with dark violet eyes. Its semi-transperant wings were tipped with ivory bone and her curved talons were purest quartz. The dragon shook herself free of the confing,leather pack. Sakura smiled and gently stroked the leathery wings,then reached in and got out a nearly empty waterskin. She drank a bit down,feeling the icy water cool her burning throat. She offered some to the dragon who took a few short gulps and then settled next to her mistress for a nice nap.

Sakura leaned back against the cool,gray stones of the Temple of TIme. Little did she know,that there was a certain evil force after her.
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Comments on this chapter

Zeldas Shadow says:

Woa! I can't wait for the next chapter!!happy.gif

Linndog says:

Good opening. The introduction was short but distinct. This could use a run through a spell-checker and a quick edit to correct punctuation. Other than that, your character is unique and interesting, so I'll continue reading.

Boggy says:

A solid opening. You've established a character of interest, and a "cliffhanger" of sorts, to draw your readers' attention. Aside from a few grammatical errors, and an overwhelming use of adjectives, your concept has promise.

I would, however, refrain from using excessive physical descriptions to define your character. I tend to avoid the "dark hair, dark eye" stereotype, opting instead to describe unique characteristics through personal/obsessive habits (i.e. neuroticism or anxiety). Remember, details are only as important as the purpose they serve (i.e. how much it effects the story).

Kairi says:

What a nice story! i was hooked on it for a long time! Very nice!
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star_breaker says:

Short but sweet. I like it!

Miss Fearsome Pirate says:

Very intersesting. I like it lots.

ganon rulez says:

im reading this so i can read the newest one you've done i like the sound of it so far aswell

Vaati_Lover says:

A short, but most likely very important chapter. Details of a character allows people to imagine what the character looks like and acts like, which is very important to remember.
Now, as some others said, there are a few errors in your story, but not many, so it's understandable. new.gif