Link on Trial!
By AnumanMore Info / Reviews
Chapter 1: Link on Trial: Act I, Scene One
A long time ago, way, way, back, I posted this story both here and fanfiction.net. Well guess what happens when you don't update? Your story dissapears from one site (this one) and then you've forgotten the email address you used in the other so you can't really do too much, except for try to resubmit your story AGAIN on both sites, but I digress...
I'm still working on it. *Cough* *Cough*. Any who, this is a story in comedy play format that deals with the imaginary (yes, imaginary, after all, they're fiction characters) scenario where Ganondorf sues Link instead of plotting his revenge on him like usual. The characters I use are mostly from the two Zelda 64 games, since, when I wrote this, they were the last ones I played at that time.
Anyways, I don't own any of these characters, and the usual legal stuff, yadda, yadda. With that out of the way, let's get on with the show, shan't we?
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LINK ON TRIAL
ACT I: Scene One
(Setting: The play opens up to an open court trial. The courtroom is jammed full of familiar Zelda characters, and the jury is likewise. Everyone is dressed in very formal business attire. The room is loud with conversation. We see three Moblins dressed as guards on duty. Near the front of the court we see Ganondorf sharply dressed in firmly pressed black- pin stripped Italian suit, sitting by himself at his table. He is tapping his fingers impatiently, waiting for the trial to begin. On the opposing side we see Link, who is, oddly enough the only exception in the dress code dressed in his normal green tunic and apparel. He looks around the room for several minutes, and then twiddles his thumbs in boredom. Next to him is Navi, his trusted fairy, looking over several documents from her briefcase, which is opened beside her. All of the sudden the room quiets down when the bailiff, Darunia, walks to the front of the court.)
ENTER Bailiff
Darunia: (Pompously) All rise for the Honorable Judge Raura, sage of light.
ENTER Raura (He walks into his booth and sits down with a sigh. Several moments pass, and he rests his chin on his hand. Everyone waits and begins to bore.)
Darunia: Sir? (No reply) Sir? (Raura slumps down) Sir? SIR!
Raura: (Suddenly startled.) What? Yes? Oh yeah, I’m still here. (Sighs) Like I have anything better to do. (He waits for moment and mutters something about this is going to suck balls. The rest of the courtroom once again bores. They chat amongst themselves. Suddenly out of nowhere a large cracking is heard. Everyone jumps from their seats.) COURT IS NOW IN (pauses) SESSION!
(The whole room is uplifted in excitement from Raura’s large roar.)
Darunia: (Reads from clipboard) On the plaintiff is Ganondorf, representing him is...
Ganondorf: Myself.
Bean Sales Man: (Raising hand from back of the room.) Is that legal?
Ganondorf: Well, is public nudity legal in this land? (No reply.) Yes it is.
(The room ahs and shake their heads in enlightenment.)
Ganondorf’s Inner Monolouge: Superb, the fools are imperceptive to my ersatz learnedness of Hylianian law. They shall fall into my hands like pawns from a... GAME OF CHESS! Yes, it will be precisely so. Soon, I will eliminate the very essence of their souls. MUHAHA!
(The room gasps in fear.)
Ganondorf: (Shaking his head) No, you see, that was my inner monologue. You can’t hear it.
(Various agreements to his statements are said by the people in the room and shake their heads in approval.)
Ganondorf’s Inner Monologue: This is even easier than expected. Everyone in the room is a fool! All shall perish at my hand! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
(The room gasps again.)
Gandondorf: (Quickly) Can’t hear it.
(The room agrees once more.)
Ganondorf’s Inner Monologue: How dense can these people be?
Darunia: Acting as Ganondorf’s lawyer is....Gandondorf. He charges the defendant, Link, with the vandalizing his property, several acts of murder, grand theft of several precious artifacts and items, larceny, and on the account of scaring children because he’s so goddessd!&n ugly. Have you ever noticed (turns page) how ugly his choice of colors are. Also, what kind of a man wears a dress? I just want to....
Raura: We get the point.
Darunia: And Rarua is no prize picnic himself. My mother looks more like a man than he does.
Raura: Darunia, stop!
Darunia: Why don’t you shut up?
Raura: You are bringing disorder to the court. I order you...
Darunia: Sir please don’t it. I merely stated Ganondorf’s charges!
Raura: Ganon, what meaning does insulting me and the court hold.
Ganondorf: It’s just a little creative writing I did in my spare time.
Raura: Very well then. Please continue Darunia. Never mind it’s my turn. Link, how do you plea?
Navi: Your honor, he pleads innocent to the charges.
Ganondorf: Finish the rest.
Navi: The rest of what?
Ganondorf: What do you mean, “The rest of what.” The rest of your cookie! Man, you people are dense. You should finish the charges he is innocent to.
Navi: Your honor, he is insulting my client!
Raura: I’m afraid you must finish.
Navi: (Annoyed) Fine, I’ll comply. He is innocent to the vandalization of Ganondorf’s property, several acts of murder, grand theft horsery, larceny, and on the account of scary children because he’s so goddessd!&n ugly. Have you ever noticed how ugly his choices of colors are? Also, what kind of a man wears a dress? I just want to.... (pause) You interrupted Darunia here your honor, but I will go on. Ahem, And Rarua is no prize picnic himself. My mother looks more like a man than he does.
Raura: Hold your tounge!
Navi: (Defiantly) why don’t you shut up? There! I’m finished your honor.
(Ganondorf grins widely at the chaos he just caused.)
Raura: (Steamed) we need to tell ourselves to calm down. The sooner we get on with the trial; the sooner will get it over with. Ganondorf, bring your first witness to the stand!
Ganondorf: With pleasure, my first witness is ... MIDO!
I'm still working on it. *Cough* *Cough*. Any who, this is a story in comedy play format that deals with the imaginary (yes, imaginary, after all, they're fiction characters) scenario where Ganondorf sues Link instead of plotting his revenge on him like usual. The characters I use are mostly from the two Zelda 64 games, since, when I wrote this, they were the last ones I played at that time.
Anyways, I don't own any of these characters, and the usual legal stuff, yadda, yadda. With that out of the way, let's get on with the show, shan't we?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LINK ON TRIAL
ACT I: Scene One
(Setting: The play opens up to an open court trial. The courtroom is jammed full of familiar Zelda characters, and the jury is likewise. Everyone is dressed in very formal business attire. The room is loud with conversation. We see three Moblins dressed as guards on duty. Near the front of the court we see Ganondorf sharply dressed in firmly pressed black- pin stripped Italian suit, sitting by himself at his table. He is tapping his fingers impatiently, waiting for the trial to begin. On the opposing side we see Link, who is, oddly enough the only exception in the dress code dressed in his normal green tunic and apparel. He looks around the room for several minutes, and then twiddles his thumbs in boredom. Next to him is Navi, his trusted fairy, looking over several documents from her briefcase, which is opened beside her. All of the sudden the room quiets down when the bailiff, Darunia, walks to the front of the court.)
ENTER Bailiff
Darunia: (Pompously) All rise for the Honorable Judge Raura, sage of light.
ENTER Raura (He walks into his booth and sits down with a sigh. Several moments pass, and he rests his chin on his hand. Everyone waits and begins to bore.)
Darunia: Sir? (No reply) Sir? (Raura slumps down) Sir? SIR!
Raura: (Suddenly startled.) What? Yes? Oh yeah, I’m still here. (Sighs) Like I have anything better to do. (He waits for moment and mutters something about this is going to suck balls. The rest of the courtroom once again bores. They chat amongst themselves. Suddenly out of nowhere a large cracking is heard. Everyone jumps from their seats.) COURT IS NOW IN (pauses) SESSION!
(The whole room is uplifted in excitement from Raura’s large roar.)
Darunia: (Reads from clipboard) On the plaintiff is Ganondorf, representing him is...
Ganondorf: Myself.
Bean Sales Man: (Raising hand from back of the room.) Is that legal?
Ganondorf: Well, is public nudity legal in this land? (No reply.) Yes it is.
(The room ahs and shake their heads in enlightenment.)
Ganondorf’s Inner Monolouge: Superb, the fools are imperceptive to my ersatz learnedness of Hylianian law. They shall fall into my hands like pawns from a... GAME OF CHESS! Yes, it will be precisely so. Soon, I will eliminate the very essence of their souls. MUHAHA!
(The room gasps in fear.)
Ganondorf: (Shaking his head) No, you see, that was my inner monologue. You can’t hear it.
(Various agreements to his statements are said by the people in the room and shake their heads in approval.)
Ganondorf’s Inner Monologue: This is even easier than expected. Everyone in the room is a fool! All shall perish at my hand! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
(The room gasps again.)
Gandondorf: (Quickly) Can’t hear it.
(The room agrees once more.)
Ganondorf’s Inner Monologue: How dense can these people be?
Darunia: Acting as Ganondorf’s lawyer is....Gandondorf. He charges the defendant, Link, with the vandalizing his property, several acts of murder, grand theft of several precious artifacts and items, larceny, and on the account of scaring children because he’s so goddessd!&n ugly. Have you ever noticed (turns page) how ugly his choice of colors are. Also, what kind of a man wears a dress? I just want to....
Raura: We get the point.
Darunia: And Rarua is no prize picnic himself. My mother looks more like a man than he does.
Raura: Darunia, stop!
Darunia: Why don’t you shut up?
Raura: You are bringing disorder to the court. I order you...
Darunia: Sir please don’t it. I merely stated Ganondorf’s charges!
Raura: Ganon, what meaning does insulting me and the court hold.
Ganondorf: It’s just a little creative writing I did in my spare time.
Raura: Very well then. Please continue Darunia. Never mind it’s my turn. Link, how do you plea?
Navi: Your honor, he pleads innocent to the charges.
Ganondorf: Finish the rest.
Navi: The rest of what?
Ganondorf: What do you mean, “The rest of what.” The rest of your cookie! Man, you people are dense. You should finish the charges he is innocent to.
Navi: Your honor, he is insulting my client!
Raura: I’m afraid you must finish.
Navi: (Annoyed) Fine, I’ll comply. He is innocent to the vandalization of Ganondorf’s property, several acts of murder, grand theft horsery, larceny, and on the account of scary children because he’s so goddessd!&n ugly. Have you ever noticed how ugly his choices of colors are? Also, what kind of a man wears a dress? I just want to.... (pause) You interrupted Darunia here your honor, but I will go on. Ahem, And Rarua is no prize picnic himself. My mother looks more like a man than he does.
Raura: Hold your tounge!
Navi: (Defiantly) why don’t you shut up? There! I’m finished your honor.
(Ganondorf grins widely at the chaos he just caused.)
Raura: (Steamed) we need to tell ourselves to calm down. The sooner we get on with the trial; the sooner will get it over with. Ganondorf, bring your first witness to the stand!
Ganondorf: With pleasure, my first witness is ... MIDO!
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
- Chapter 1: Link on Trial: Act I, Scene One
- Chapter 2: Link On Trial: Act I, Scene Two
- Chapter 3: Link on Trial: Act I, Scene Three
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Comments on this chapter
achitka says:
star_breaker says:
Kairi says:
Miss Fearsome Pirate says:
linkscopy says:
Altaire says:
It's actually quite funny, please allow us, poor writers to be enlightened with such hilarity.
hikarufelix says:
LIfe is Strife for success says:
Dins_Daughter says:
Ch!b!Z3ld@^^ says:
XD
THAT, my firends, is why Ganondorf is one of my FAVORITE villains.