Zelda News: Vote Skyward Sword for G4TV Best Games of 2011; Why Skyward Sword is the Worst Game Ever Made
Itís Link v.s. Batman in the third round of G4TVís Best Games of 2011! Unfortunately, it looks like Batmanís in the lead (I knew they should have sent Groose to represent the game!) but by voting for our hero you could turn that all around and give Skyward Sword the recognition it deserves! Vote --> HERE!
And next, I have my very personal and 100% believable review of Skyward Sword where I will explain why this game is the worst ever made. There's no spoilers... only irrational complaining.
Skyward Sword was the first and last Zelda title on the Wii. With all the hype and speculation going on before the release, I was the happiest person on Earth when November 20th rolled around. Unfortunately, the ďgreatest Zelda game ever madeĒ turned out to be the worst game in the history of forever.
Firstly, YOU CANNOT NAME YOUR BIRD-THING. Whatís the deal with that? I wanted to give my bird-thing an awesome name like Mary-Lu Cow or Flying-Thingy or Groose but I couldnít! Does it even have a name? It makes me angry!
Next, why doesnít this game use voice acting? Itís common sense that every cool and awesome video game needs voice acting! I mean, my favorite game of all time (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for Game Cube) uses voice acting! All we get is that princess girl singing and weird grunting noises. And donít get me started on the fairy thingy! That wasnít voice acting! That was gibberish! Gibberish speech in a Zelda game? Unheard of!
Next, the story doesnít make any sense. Last time I checked, Link was a kid-boy and rode on a train. Now heís graduating from a Knightís Academy up in who-knows-where! What happened to all the trains!? Okay, I thought, maybe ten years went by and somehow all the people started living on floating islands. I was happy when the fairy thingy let me leave that stupid place so I could go back to my train but it wasnít there! There are no trains! I was shocked. Everything looked like it was set in the past but that canít be because Linkís all grown up! Nintendo needs to get their story rightÖ
Continuing on with the flawed story, Zelda is some story of magical-maginy. I donít get that. Wasnít she a ghost-thingy from the other game? It doesnít make any sense! And what was the fairy-thingy supposed to be? Why does it live in Linkís sword? Isnít that bad? Why isnít Zelda with Link throughout the entire game? I donít get it.
Apparently, thereís some time vertex mac-bobby-thingy that happens. I donít get it.
Thereís also a really hot guy who keeps chasing after Link for some reason. I think his name is Ghirahim but that nameís long so Iíll call him Yaoi. He looks like David Bowie. He also has a thing for Linkís sword but Iíll get to that in a later article. Anyway, Yaoi is really hard to fight and thatís why I donít like him.
And why is it called the triforce? I donít get it.
Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention how much I hated the underground places. They were hard so I didnít like them.
Finally, there were no Pokemon in the game. Huh?
Now its time to say the things I really liked. First, I really liked using Wii Motion Plus for swimming. Brilliant.
Next, I sort of liked that Fairy-Thingy. I mean, I donít notice things so fast so when it pointed out that there was a big door right in front of me, I was happy because it reminded me of that. It was also helpful when I saw a huge treasure box in the other room next to me and it came up a few seconds later to tell me that it detected a big box somewhere close. I would have forgotten if it didnít remind me. Finally, I really liked that it when the ship was sinking on the pirate ship stage it told me that the ship was taking on water. Someone like me would have never guessed that by all the water coming up. Overall, a very helpful addition to the game.
After that, I liked reading all that text in the introduction because I like reading and I think Iím good at it. Even though the hour introduction could have probably been rewritten to be much shorter and more fun to play through, I like reading so I read it. It should have been longer! I want to know more about every single detail of Link and Zeldaís relationship along with the back-story of every single main character right there at the start of the game instead of expanding on it later. Whatís the use of putting in story later when we can shove it all at you at the beginning?
Oh, I forgot. I also didnít like that big meanie of an awesome guy Groose. Heís too awesome for me.
Thatís the end of my 100% true Skyward Sword review. Stay tuned for my actual review sometime later this week!
Oh! And make sure you vote for Skyward Sword!