Zelda News: Vote Skyward Sword for G4TV Best Games of 2011; Why Skyward Sword is the Worst Game Ever Made

Skyward Sword was the first and last Zelda title on the Wii. With all the hype and speculation going on before the release, I was the happiest person on Earth when November 20th rolled around. Unfortunately, the “greatest Zelda game ever made” turned out to be the worst game in the history of forever.

Firstly, YOU CANNOT NAME YOUR BIRD-THING. What’s the deal with that? I wanted to give my bird-thing an awesome name like Mary-Lu Cow or Flying-Thingy or Groose but I couldn’t! Does it even have a name? It makes me angry!

Next, why doesn’t this game use voice acting? It’s common sense that every cool and awesome video game needs voice acting! I mean, my favorite game of all time (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for Game Cube) uses voice acting! All we get is that princess girl singing and weird grunting noises. And don’t get me started on the fairy thingy! That wasn’t voice acting! That was gibberish! Gibberish speech in a Zelda game? Unheard of!

Next, the story doesn’t make any sense. Last time I checked, Link was a kid-boy and rode on a train. Now he’s graduating from a Knight’s Academy up in who-knows-where! What happened to all the trains!? Okay, I thought, maybe ten years went by and somehow all the people started living on floating islands. I was happy when the fairy thingy let me leave that stupid place so I could go back to my train but it wasn’t there! There are no trains! I was shocked. Everything looked like it was set in the past but that can’t be because Link’s all grown up! Nintendo needs to get their story right…

Continuing on with the flawed story, Zelda is some story of magical-maginy. I don’t get that. Wasn’t she a ghost-thingy from the other game? It doesn’t make any sense! And what was the fairy-thingy supposed to be? Why does it live in Link’s sword? Isn’t that bad? Why isn’t Zelda with Link throughout the entire game? I don’t get it.

Apparently, there’s some time vertex mac-bobby-thingy that happens. I don’t get it.

There’s also a really hot guy who keeps chasing after Link for some reason. I think his name is Ghirahim but that name’s long so I’ll call him Yaoi. He looks like David Bowie. He also has a thing for Link’s sword but I’ll get to that in a later article. Anyway, Yaoi is really hard to fight and that’s why I don’t like him.

And why is it called the triforce? I don’t get it.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention how much I hated the underground places. They were hard so I didn’t like them.

Finally, there were no Pokemon in the game. Huh?

Now its time to say the things I really liked. First, I really liked using Wii Motion Plus for swimming. Brilliant.

Next, I sort of liked that Fairy-Thingy. I mean, I don’t notice things so fast so when it pointed out that there was a big door right in front of me, I was happy because it reminded me of that. It was also helpful when I saw a huge treasure box in the other room next to me and it came up a few seconds later to tell me that it detected a big box somewhere close. I would have forgotten if it didn’t remind me. Finally, I really liked that it when the ship was sinking on the pirate ship stage it told me that the ship was taking on water. Someone like me would have never guessed that by all the water coming up. Overall, a very helpful addition to the game.

After that, I liked reading all that text in the introduction because I like reading and I think I’m good at it. Even though the hour introduction could have probably been rewritten to be much shorter and more fun to play through, I like reading so I read it. It should have been longer! I want to know more about every single detail of Link and Zelda’s relationship along with the back-story of every single main character right there at the start of the game instead of expanding on it later. What’s the use of putting in story later when we can shove it all at you at the beginning?

Oh, I forgot. I also didn’t like that big meanie of an awesome guy Groose. He’s too awesome for me.

That’s the end of my 100% true Skyward Sword review. Stay tuned for my actual review sometime later this week!

Oh! And make sure you vote for Skyward Sword!

Good-night!

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Comments

Amy122 says:

I think Nintendo already said they wouldn't use voice acting...just like Link, they want him to remain Muteless....but, I remember I wanted Metroid with voicing, and I got Other M with voice acting in it. And I'm still not done yet with SS!! But, I will be able to play it more when work starts slowing down!

flimsykitty says:

I would protest voice acting in a Zelda game! >,< Link NEEDS to remain silent. He's supposed to be our "link" to the game world and we're supposed to be the ones interacting with it, not him! I remember being one of those people that freaked out during the first Twilight Princess demo when Midna spoke with the gibberish noises. Even though I'm over that (and I think it was a great addition to the game, as was Fi's "voice acting"), the series needs to stay mute. I don't mind noises like grunting or laughing or even Zelda's singing.... I guess it would remind me too much of a final fantasy game if everyone started talking normally, lol

I'm having a hard time writing an actual review because I'm tied between this game and OoT. They're both amazing games but for different reasons... and I don't want to give the same score to them because one game has to be better than the other... I'm just really enjoying SS now. Hopefully this wears off and I regain my loyalty for OoT soon... >.>

How are you liking the game so far? Isn't Groose awesome? ^^