Fan Fiction

Legacy Of Power

By RandomSquirrel
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Chapter 1: Prologue

:/Just a quick note: This story was actually written a few years ago, but I've been looking for a good place to host it. It is actually three "books," Blademaster, Spellmaster (Part I), Dragon Queen (Part II), and Prophecy's End (Part III). Please give me feedback if you like, even though this is already pre-written. I'd like to find out what I could have done better. Also, thanks to Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series for inspiration for the magic system! And now, on with the show!/:

Prologue

Link brushed rain from his eyes as he trotted to Hyrule Castle, the words of the Princess still fresh in his mind; Please hurry and meet me in the castle. There is great danger to Hyrule and the Triforce once more. I fear that Ganondorf has risen once more to try and take the world. Make all haste... He knew that the message was genuine. Even telepathic messages couldn’t be faked. There was always something...personal...about each person’s voice, that can’t be duplicated.
In one corner of his mind, he wondered why it had suddenly decided to rain. It had been blue skies and Sunshine not five minutes ago. Off to his left, thunder and lightning rent the air with blinding light and defeaning sound. He stopped and considered going to see what was going on. This was DEFINITELY not normal. Straining to see, he saw a Magick fight of sorts not too far away, on a bare, wide, high rise of ground, but too tall for him to see anything on top of it.
Clearing his mind, he reached out with a part of it to see who might be fighting by reading their Magickal signatures. He didn’t recognize one at all, except that the fighter was male. Link didn’t even get the chance to read the other person, when a lightning bolt of ice -ICE, of all things!- smashed the tree beside him, causing him to lose his concentration. The bolt hadn’t been aimed at him; it had been part of a large Weave that almost got out of control. He mulled over the knowledge that the male fighter was tired, so that meant the battle had been going on a while, and that his opponent was tired as well.
Torn between obeying the Princess Zelda and investigating this occurrence, he fretted over whether to help or continue course. He was saved the decision when two simply gigantic energy Taps, that almost seemed to draw the Power from his bones, were transformed into massive Spells of great strength. One person, the one Link didn’t have the chance to scan, created a temporary shield while another Spell began to take effect, when the other person’s Spell smashed down on his opponent. A scream of pain slashed the air and at Link’s heart worse than any sword’s strike. He winced as he realized that it was a woman’s scream. Light flashed and flared, then went quiet. The residue of Power was so strong, he almost thought that he could Weave a Spell from it without Tapping any spare Power.
I should’ve gone to help, he thought bitterly, I hate to see women get hurt. The memory of another very important woman almost caused him to mutter a coarse oath. Zelda was waiting.
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Comments on this chapter

Koroks Rock says:

Looks good, spelling and grammar is great (magick, with a k... haven't seen that in a long while), etc. I shortened your title and moved the subtitles into your description- that much text was just too much for several reasons, including some technical ones.

Your only error was the classic paragraph spacing error- just be sure to put a blank line between paragraphs. Best of luck to you, I hope to enjoy all your writing!

Master Link says:

Wow, this story is awesome! Good description, and everything. I would have to agree with KR on the other stuff. Keep writing, rather, posting! lol

star_breaker says:

This is very good, but I'm a little confused. Is this set in the time of OoT, or during the original LoZ? Excellent plot though. Keep it up!

RandomSquirrel says:

This is a "paralell universe," if you will, but it takes from the continuity of Ocarina of Time. I originally started writing it about a year after OoT came out, but took me a while to finish, and a few years to find a place to post.

Linndog says:

Well, the story is very good indeed. I truly enjoyed reading it although this passage could use a workthrough with a writer's guide. There are many points that I noticed a lack of flow due to poor grammer and repetition. I suggest using a thesaurus.

Example: "There was always something...personal...about each person's voice, that can't be duplicated." Either "personal" or "person's" should be changed to make the sentence less repetitive. Stuff like that. Also, in the sample sentence I used, you should remove the comma, it's grammatically incorrect where you placed it. Finally, "...that can't be duplicated," should be "...that COULDN'T be duplicated," so that everything is in the same tense.

Now that I'm done correcting one sentence, I'll move on.

RandomSquirrel says:

RandomSquirrel says:

No, that's good input, I need that! One small problem in all of my writing is that I tend to shift tenses pretty badly. I have a somewhat disjointed sense of time already, which isn't helped by the fact that I'm working on my third foreign language (German, Japanese, & Chinese). I also tend to use repetition to make a point or emphasize something, like in your example. That, and I'm trying to give it a train-of-thought or stream-of-consciousness feel. It might have worked better if it was in the "thought italics" than regular text, though. I write a lot like that. In chat I type exactly like I talk, so it bleeds over into my writing. That, and this was written about a year after OoT came out, and was only proofread for errors about two or three months ago. Don't worry, my writing has DRASTICALLY improved since then! biggrin.gif