The Two Swords
By Chino Raven StarMore Info / Reviews
Chapter 1: Prologue
Hi, I just want to say a few things about the Fanfiction and how our
(me and my bestfriend’s) characters look. First thing, people like
Saria, Ganondorf, etc have last names in this fic. Also, the people from
Kokori village do grow up eventually. Finally, Sheik is a women NOT a man,
and here are our two original characters:
Chino Raven Star (My Character)
Chino looks a lot like Link (the adult version from Ocarina of Time)
the only big thing different about Chino from Link would be the dark red
tunic (it's not the goron tunic), no shield, black pants, brown boots,
no hat, and his hair is slightly longer. He's about 17 years old, like
adult Ocarina Link.
Russ Eczaybier (My Best friend’s character)
Russ has silver hair, deep crimson eyes, wears a green tunic with a
black long sleeve turtle neck shirt underneath the tunic, black pants and
a dark blue cloak-like cape, browns boots, no Hat, and no Shield. Russ
is two months older than Chino.
---
The Legend of Zelda: The Two Swords By Robert (Chino Raven Star) Page
and Russell (Russ Eczaybier) Downing.
Prologue
Seven years ago, there was a young boy named Russ Eczaybier. For two
years he had planned to escape from his abusive parents . . . on his
thirteenth birthday he finally succeeded on his feet, escaping from the
past and heading towards a bright new future. He would no longer be
treated wrongly because of his differences, he was now free! Free to go where
he wished, free to raom the lands and seek riches... but he was still
somewhat imprisoned.
Imprisoned by the three patches of silver-scales on his right arm. They
would keep him chaptered, different, misunderstood.
---
Eleven years earlier, an infant named Chino Star was happily traveling
the lands of Hyrule with his loving parents, until their carriage was
attacked by Wolfos. (Wolfos are anthromorphic wolves that attack with
their claws and sometimes somersault backwards when attacked.)
Chino's parents tried to protect him, but they lost their lives and their
son to the night.
Chino was found by a group of bandits called the Phoenix Tribe, who
taught him the way of the bow when he reached the age of five. Over the
next seven years Chino raided many villages, and became a master archer
at the age of twelve. He became the bandit leader, and led his group to
the village of Kakariko for Chino's thirteenth birthday.
---
One month after Russ had escaped from his parents, he came stumbling
into the forest village of Kokori. Tired and hungry he collapsed in front
of a large tree. This was the Great Deku Tree, guardian of the forest
and protector of the village, gifted with the power of speech.
Russ awoke inside of a small wooded hut which consisted of one large
room. There was a fire place, a bed (which he was in) and a wooded chair
that a young girl was sitting in. Her name was Saria Misonay.
Over the next two weeks the two of them became good friends and lived
happily together, until the Deku Tree called for Russ . . . He was to
venture inside of the Great Deku Tree to rid it of a curse. It was a
horrible curse that had been implanted inside of him many years ago by an
evil man in black armor. Russ entered, unknowing what dangers lay ahead
of him.
The entrance quickly closed behind him, trapping him inside. Suddenly a
huge deformed looking spider, with one HUGE eyeball attacked him! Russ
barely escaped the attack with his life. He jumped up and attacked
Queen Gohama with his sword and split its eye open, killing the spider.
Fortunately, he escaped the Deku Tree using a magic portal after the
battle.
---
With his wounds healed and his deed done, the Deku Tree told him of a
new quest. A quest in which he was to seek out the Princess of Destiny
(or as Russ would later find out), the Princess Zelda.
Russ traveled for three weeks, searching for the town of Hyrule. He
took nobody and nothing with him, except for his sword, and an ocarina he
got from Saria. He found Hyrule Castle the next day. He had to sneak
into the castle to see Princess Zelda, but this was no easy task, because
of all the guards.
When Russ finally got to Zelda, she asked him to go after the spiritual
stones of fire and water. Russ had already received the spiritual stone
of the forest from the Deku Tree, so he thought that this was just a
scavenger hunt, but he was wrong (oh so horribly wrong).
On his way to Goron city, he had to cross through Kakariko village. It
was a five-day walk to Kakkariko Village from Hyrlue castle, so Russ
had another long walk ahead of him.
---
Meanwhile, five days after Russ left Hyrule Castle....
Chino and his bandits had been rampaging through Kokkariko Village for
the past twelve days. Chino was sitting in the top of the village's
biggest tree when he saw Russ enter the village. Of course he didn't know
who he was, but none the less he had his bandits attack him, but he
soon found out that was a mistake . . . a fatal one.
Russ killed over half of the bandits and the others ran off, leaving
Chino to his doom. Russ did not slay Chino though, but merely continued
on his quest to Goron Village, ignoring Chino. He did not know that
Chino was following him to Goron Village, for he had decided that he would
steal
the treasure that Russ sought.
Russ got to Goron Village to find strange rocklike creatures instead of
humans inhabiting this village. He wasted no time in finding the head
Goron, Darunia. Darunia told Russ that he would not just hand over the
Goron's Ruby (the Spiritual Stone of Fire), unless Russ rid them of a
pest-problem.
Chino listed in secret, and followed them to a cave not far from the
village. Darunia told Russ that he must defeat the great King Dodongo
that dwelled in the cave if he wanted to finish the job. Russ ran in to do
battle with the beast, while Chino followed close behind (still unknown
to Russ.)
King Dodongo turned out to be a dragon seized, two-legged,
fire-breathing lizard. Russ's thoughts at that moment were "Ooooohh sh****t". He
fought long and hard, but the creature was just too large.
But then Chino came out of hiding and shot three arrows into one of
King Dodongo's eyes, causing the creature to fall into a pit of lava, and
died a painful death.
Darunia was so happy at what Chino had done that he gave Chino the
Goron's Ruby, to Russ' indignation. After some... aggrieved negotiations
(Russ just hit Chino in the head over and over) Chino decided to
join Russ in his quest.
---
When they got back to Hyrule castle Chino fell head-over heels for
Zelda. Russ and Chino ended up staying at the castle for a while, for...
personnel reasons (Chino begged Russ to let them stay longer). Over the
following week Chino spent most of his time with Zelda, and in fact, she
actually enjoyed the time they spent together.
When they left, she gave Chino a kiss and made him promise to bring
back the Spiritual Stone of Water. Russ had to practically drag Chino out
of the castle.
---
It took them about six days to reach the Zora falls. Zora's Domain was
a series of caves and pools of water, inhabited by a stange people.
They would pass for humans if it wasn't for their fish-like tails.
When Russ and Chino met with the Zora King, they found out that the
Zora Princess, Ruto, had been
swallowed by the Zora's guardian, a mammoth, whale-sized fish named
Lord Jabu Jabu. Because of this dilemma that the Zora King literally made
Russ and Chino Search for her.
So guess how they were going to do that. Yep, that's right. They were
fed to Lord Jabu Jabu.
They searched for hours, and when they finally found Ruto they
discovered the only way to get out wasn't exactly the funniest way. Yeah, that
way... Ya'know.
However, Ruto gave Chino the Zora's Sapphire after they escaped (the
Spiritual Stone of Water). It also turned out to be called the Zora's
Engagement Ring. And guess whom Ruto gave it to ... Chino ran away
screaming.
---
Six days later they reached the gates of Hyrule Castle. It was storming
when they got there, and the gates were closed up. Russ and Chino were
both soaked, and wondering if they would have to spend the night
outside, until the gates opened and the drawbridge lowered.
Riding out of the castle on a white horse was none other then Zelda
herself. She flew by Russ and Chino, not even glancing at them, but Chino
was able to see the fear on her face as she rode by. Immediately after
Zelda vanished over the horizon, they heard another set of hoof beats
coming from behind them.
They turned around and saw Ganondorf riding out of the castle on his
black horse. He demanded to know which way Zelda had gone, but Russ and
Chino held their ground, silent. Ganondorf grew tired of waiting and
blasted both Russ and Chino, leaving them there to die, but he had
underestimated our heros, and they quickly recovered.
Not knowing where else to go, Russ and Chino went to the Temple of
Time. They placed the three Spiritual Stones on their individual pedestals,
which opened a large stone door. Walking through the passageway, they
found a great treasure on the other side.
It was the Legendary Sword of Evil's Bane, the Master Sword.
After arguing for about two hours over who should carry it, they
finally decided to both grab the
handle. They quickly pulled it out of it'd stone pedestals and suddenly
they were engulfed by shining blue light.
The next thing Chino knew was that the Master Sword was gone, he and
Russ were four years older, and there was a strange, small, yellow
medallion lying next to him.
(me and my bestfriend’s) characters look. First thing, people like
Saria, Ganondorf, etc have last names in this fic. Also, the people from
Kokori village do grow up eventually. Finally, Sheik is a women NOT a man,
and here are our two original characters:
Chino Raven Star (My Character)
Chino looks a lot like Link (the adult version from Ocarina of Time)
the only big thing different about Chino from Link would be the dark red
tunic (it's not the goron tunic), no shield, black pants, brown boots,
no hat, and his hair is slightly longer. He's about 17 years old, like
adult Ocarina Link.
Russ Eczaybier (My Best friend’s character)
Russ has silver hair, deep crimson eyes, wears a green tunic with a
black long sleeve turtle neck shirt underneath the tunic, black pants and
a dark blue cloak-like cape, browns boots, no Hat, and no Shield. Russ
is two months older than Chino.
---
The Legend of Zelda: The Two Swords By Robert (Chino Raven Star) Page
and Russell (Russ Eczaybier) Downing.
Prologue
Seven years ago, there was a young boy named Russ Eczaybier. For two
years he had planned to escape from his abusive parents . . . on his
thirteenth birthday he finally succeeded on his feet, escaping from the
past and heading towards a bright new future. He would no longer be
treated wrongly because of his differences, he was now free! Free to go where
he wished, free to raom the lands and seek riches... but he was still
somewhat imprisoned.
Imprisoned by the three patches of silver-scales on his right arm. They
would keep him chaptered, different, misunderstood.
---
Eleven years earlier, an infant named Chino Star was happily traveling
the lands of Hyrule with his loving parents, until their carriage was
attacked by Wolfos. (Wolfos are anthromorphic wolves that attack with
their claws and sometimes somersault backwards when attacked.)
Chino's parents tried to protect him, but they lost their lives and their
son to the night.
Chino was found by a group of bandits called the Phoenix Tribe, who
taught him the way of the bow when he reached the age of five. Over the
next seven years Chino raided many villages, and became a master archer
at the age of twelve. He became the bandit leader, and led his group to
the village of Kakariko for Chino's thirteenth birthday.
---
One month after Russ had escaped from his parents, he came stumbling
into the forest village of Kokori. Tired and hungry he collapsed in front
of a large tree. This was the Great Deku Tree, guardian of the forest
and protector of the village, gifted with the power of speech.
Russ awoke inside of a small wooded hut which consisted of one large
room. There was a fire place, a bed (which he was in) and a wooded chair
that a young girl was sitting in. Her name was Saria Misonay.
Over the next two weeks the two of them became good friends and lived
happily together, until the Deku Tree called for Russ . . . He was to
venture inside of the Great Deku Tree to rid it of a curse. It was a
horrible curse that had been implanted inside of him many years ago by an
evil man in black armor. Russ entered, unknowing what dangers lay ahead
of him.
The entrance quickly closed behind him, trapping him inside. Suddenly a
huge deformed looking spider, with one HUGE eyeball attacked him! Russ
barely escaped the attack with his life. He jumped up and attacked
Queen Gohama with his sword and split its eye open, killing the spider.
Fortunately, he escaped the Deku Tree using a magic portal after the
battle.
---
With his wounds healed and his deed done, the Deku Tree told him of a
new quest. A quest in which he was to seek out the Princess of Destiny
(or as Russ would later find out), the Princess Zelda.
Russ traveled for three weeks, searching for the town of Hyrule. He
took nobody and nothing with him, except for his sword, and an ocarina he
got from Saria. He found Hyrule Castle the next day. He had to sneak
into the castle to see Princess Zelda, but this was no easy task, because
of all the guards.
When Russ finally got to Zelda, she asked him to go after the spiritual
stones of fire and water. Russ had already received the spiritual stone
of the forest from the Deku Tree, so he thought that this was just a
scavenger hunt, but he was wrong (oh so horribly wrong).
On his way to Goron city, he had to cross through Kakariko village. It
was a five-day walk to Kakkariko Village from Hyrlue castle, so Russ
had another long walk ahead of him.
---
Meanwhile, five days after Russ left Hyrule Castle....
Chino and his bandits had been rampaging through Kokkariko Village for
the past twelve days. Chino was sitting in the top of the village's
biggest tree when he saw Russ enter the village. Of course he didn't know
who he was, but none the less he had his bandits attack him, but he
soon found out that was a mistake . . . a fatal one.
Russ killed over half of the bandits and the others ran off, leaving
Chino to his doom. Russ did not slay Chino though, but merely continued
on his quest to Goron Village, ignoring Chino. He did not know that
Chino was following him to Goron Village, for he had decided that he would
steal
the treasure that Russ sought.
Russ got to Goron Village to find strange rocklike creatures instead of
humans inhabiting this village. He wasted no time in finding the head
Goron, Darunia. Darunia told Russ that he would not just hand over the
Goron's Ruby (the Spiritual Stone of Fire), unless Russ rid them of a
pest-problem.
Chino listed in secret, and followed them to a cave not far from the
village. Darunia told Russ that he must defeat the great King Dodongo
that dwelled in the cave if he wanted to finish the job. Russ ran in to do
battle with the beast, while Chino followed close behind (still unknown
to Russ.)
King Dodongo turned out to be a dragon seized, two-legged,
fire-breathing lizard. Russ's thoughts at that moment were "Ooooohh sh****t". He
fought long and hard, but the creature was just too large.
But then Chino came out of hiding and shot three arrows into one of
King Dodongo's eyes, causing the creature to fall into a pit of lava, and
died a painful death.
Darunia was so happy at what Chino had done that he gave Chino the
Goron's Ruby, to Russ' indignation. After some... aggrieved negotiations
(Russ just hit Chino in the head over and over) Chino decided to
join Russ in his quest.
---
When they got back to Hyrule castle Chino fell head-over heels for
Zelda. Russ and Chino ended up staying at the castle for a while, for...
personnel reasons (Chino begged Russ to let them stay longer). Over the
following week Chino spent most of his time with Zelda, and in fact, she
actually enjoyed the time they spent together.
When they left, she gave Chino a kiss and made him promise to bring
back the Spiritual Stone of Water. Russ had to practically drag Chino out
of the castle.
---
It took them about six days to reach the Zora falls. Zora's Domain was
a series of caves and pools of water, inhabited by a stange people.
They would pass for humans if it wasn't for their fish-like tails.
When Russ and Chino met with the Zora King, they found out that the
Zora Princess, Ruto, had been
swallowed by the Zora's guardian, a mammoth, whale-sized fish named
Lord Jabu Jabu. Because of this dilemma that the Zora King literally made
Russ and Chino Search for her.
So guess how they were going to do that. Yep, that's right. They were
fed to Lord Jabu Jabu.
They searched for hours, and when they finally found Ruto they
discovered the only way to get out wasn't exactly the funniest way. Yeah, that
way... Ya'know.
However, Ruto gave Chino the Zora's Sapphire after they escaped (the
Spiritual Stone of Water). It also turned out to be called the Zora's
Engagement Ring. And guess whom Ruto gave it to ... Chino ran away
screaming.
---
Six days later they reached the gates of Hyrule Castle. It was storming
when they got there, and the gates were closed up. Russ and Chino were
both soaked, and wondering if they would have to spend the night
outside, until the gates opened and the drawbridge lowered.
Riding out of the castle on a white horse was none other then Zelda
herself. She flew by Russ and Chino, not even glancing at them, but Chino
was able to see the fear on her face as she rode by. Immediately after
Zelda vanished over the horizon, they heard another set of hoof beats
coming from behind them.
They turned around and saw Ganondorf riding out of the castle on his
black horse. He demanded to know which way Zelda had gone, but Russ and
Chino held their ground, silent. Ganondorf grew tired of waiting and
blasted both Russ and Chino, leaving them there to die, but he had
underestimated our heros, and they quickly recovered.
Not knowing where else to go, Russ and Chino went to the Temple of
Time. They placed the three Spiritual Stones on their individual pedestals,
which opened a large stone door. Walking through the passageway, they
found a great treasure on the other side.
It was the Legendary Sword of Evil's Bane, the Master Sword.
After arguing for about two hours over who should carry it, they
finally decided to both grab the
handle. They quickly pulled it out of it'd stone pedestals and suddenly
they were engulfed by shining blue light.
The next thing Chino knew was that the Master Sword was gone, he and
Russ were four years older, and there was a strange, small, yellow
medallion lying next to him.
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
- Chapter 1: Prologue
- Chapter 2: Chapter 1: The Two Swords
- Chapter 3: Reunion of Friends and Meeting of Relatives
- Chapter 4: A Demon on Scared Grounds.
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Comments on this chapter
Kavi_Darkwolf says:
Anime James says:
Storytelling is horrible. I thought that you'd at least have enough creativity to weave your own story, but after blotting down a depth-less background of the characters you thrust them into the OoT story and had them join together despite their differences. No conflict. No Emotion. And the story could not possibly stay the same as OoT's with two characters that aren't Link, no matter how hard you try to mimic him. There's not even a feeling of rivalry when the two go back to Zelda, just light immature love. Why? All this is is a re-telling of OoT with worse characters.
In all fairness, I find reading the manual for Sword of Mana more enjoyable. There's no potential here. And making Sheik a woman and giving the Kokiri the ability to grow old isn't original. It's bending what's already there.
Linndog says:
Koroks Rock says:
on another note: when commenting on a fic, please be sure to give the most constructive response you can- something that will help the author improve. Don't just trash the fic without being able to illustrate what could improve it.
Anime James says:
Chino, here's what you need to do: delete this story and start out a fresh one, but not yet. Read up on best-selling authors, such as T.A. Barron or J.K. Rowling and learn from them. Then write down an entire paragraph from one of the books and ponder over why things are written the way they are. Once that's done, try your own paragraph and perfect it over time. Once that is mastered, go on to writing multiple paragraphs in a story that works. But this will take years of practice, and the rest is up to you. I've won awards for original stories, but it didn't happen overnight. If you want to see my very first story, then I'm sorry, because I deleted it in disgust long ago. But this, frankly, is one of the worst fanfics I've ever read. Just remember this: you have some good potential. While the beginning of your story was soul-less and flat, the ideas behind it held a spark of power. Blow on the spark, a bit, and soon you'll have a roaring fire. Practice. I still hate much of what I do today, and a great deal of it gets deleted. You can never be too happy with what you've written. If you are, it's probably not worth reading. That's sound advice for everyone. We can't reach perfection, so, naturally, everything we do is never up to scratch.
But I'm done rambling now, as I doubt anyone has stuck around long enough to hear all this. I'll let you all resume your lives in peace.
Linndog says:
I suggest that the authors regroup, rewrite and resubmit. If they can improve (drastically), there is a greater possibility of acquiring a devoted audience.
star_breaker says: