Malon

Chapter 1: Differently

Link was riding on Epona through Hyrule Field to get to Lon Lon Ranch. The sun was shining, and everything seemed so happy. As he was riding, Link could see the grassy field rushing passed him, and it looked more magnificent than ever before. He could see the ranch at a distance, and it looked great. He wanted to talk to Malon, and anyway, it was such a good day for riding, so Link just figured, "Why not?" All he brought with him was his ocarina, because Malon loved to sing with it so much.

As he approached the ranch, Epona slowed down a little. All the buildings looked a little extra great today, and when he got closer to Malon, he got off Epona and let her through the gate. When he finally took a good look at Malon, he felt... strange. Link shook himself a little and tried to ignore it, but when he looked up again, he noticed that Malon was looking beautiful. Her long hair blew in the wind, and her smile was dazzling. He stood there, feeling awkward, and didn't really speak until Malon said, "Um, Link, your staring at me. Are you all right?” To Link, her voice was like music to his ears. "Y-yeah, I'm-m fine." was his reply. Malon said, "Well you don't look it. Why don't we go inside?"

"It's such a n-nice day out, why should we g-go inside?"

"Well, your face is pale, and you’re stuttering. I think you’re sick. Oh! And you’re sweating too!"

Link hadn't noticed this at first, but now he could tell. His face was wet, and he was stuttering. He was just nervous. This is the first time he ever saw Malon this way.

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Comments on this chapter

Link_Dream says:

Kinda seeing how this works out...
I felt i had to make this since Malon rox! l;XD.gif

Boggy says:

Romance—for any series—is VERY difficult to write without sounding overused/cliche, which is why I discourage first time authors from attempting romantic fanfiction. Pairings for the Zelda series are purely preference (in terms of fanfiction), and the LinkxMalon is ESPECIALLY difficult to write, as there's no in-game evidence to speak of which supports the pairing (at least, evidence that isn't one-sided).

With that said, you've done a decent job of describing Link's emotions, but the emotions themselves seem a bit... childish and stereotypical. I'd try giving Link a bit more depth, fleshing out his emotions, and lengthening the descriptions so the actions/dialogue aren't quite as forced. Remember—the number one downfall of romantic fanfiction is believability.

Link_Dream says:

well the main reason the emotions are childish and stuff is (though I forgot to mention it) It's kid Link in this story, though I did sorta screw up, too... l;dizzy.gif